


The blurry one

by MistyDeath



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alcohol, Draco Malfoy is a silly drunk, Drunkenness, Established Relationship, General clumsiness, M/M, Post-Hogwarts, Shirtlessness, man buns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-12 18:28:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15345912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistyDeath/pseuds/MistyDeath
Summary: Based off the "most single guy meal" ever made response found on Reddit: Bought a head of lettuce and ate it like an apple over the sink while occasionally dribbling salad dressing over where I was planning on biting.





	The blurry one

Draco couldn’t see anything - why couldn’t he - oh god he was blind - what -  _ fuck that was his hair _ . Somehow, Draco fixed his hair, and now he could see. He was in bed, with Harry - why did he want to leave -  _ oh _ . 

A few minutes later, with bathroom priorities taken care of and still no vomit in sight, Draco made his way downstairs - albeit, gingerly - towards the kitchen. His stomach was growling something awful.

The only thing that Draco had left in his fridge was a head of lettuce, and a variety of condiments. Whatever - it was food, he had food.

After spending what Draco thought was ten minutes but in reality was an hour, he settled on a simple italian dressing. That was after a few elimination taste tests, all of which told Draco they would make him throw up if he tried more.

So now Draco had his lettuce. He had his...dressing stuff. Fuck - did he need a plate, utensils - where did he even  _ keep _ his forks. This was before Draco realized he needed to  _ open _ the lettuce package. Thank god for magic.

The fucking magic lost him half of his lettuce. Fuck this shit. The dressing was going on before someone took the rest of it.

Lettuce was truly man’s best friend, and nothing else mattered after that first satisfying crunch. Draco was really enjoying this. It was refreshing, he could hold it with one hand, man...who didn’t like lettuce?

 

Some time into this food adventure, Draco heard a strangled laugh and looked up. Immediately he recognized Harry - that guy who might also live here - and thought it might be best to fight him. Somehow.

“This isn’t what it looks like, I swear.” It wasn’t his best attempt.

“It looks like you’re shirtless, in my Gryffindor joggers, which, I find very sexy,” Harry mused, “wearing your hair up in a way that puts mine to shame, and are currently leaning against the kitchen counter, eating half a head of lettuce like an apple with some salad dressing topping it.” He wound his arms around Draco’s bare midriff, and leaned over his shoulder. “That part isn’t as sexy. Understandable, maybe, given the state of the fridge, but…”

Draco was more than happy Harry stopped talking. All the things he was saying were loud things. Which hurt Draco’s brain, which currently told him he had food. So, only pausing for a second to squint at Harry with a promise of more things to be said, Draco continued eating the lettuce.

“How drunk are you, love?”

“Fuck off -”  _ crunch  _ “- it’s healthy. Let me eat... I’m so hungry,” he whined. Harry shook with laughter against him, and Draco groaned. “That fucking hurts my stomach you asshole, go away…”

Draco elbowed Harry, and he was more than surprised that the normally clingy asshole let go.

And now, somehow, Draco was on his last chunk of lettuce. Did he need more dressing? He ate it - no, no, it still tasted pretty good. For lettuce.

Harry brought his arms around Draco again, careful not to touch his boyfriend’s stomach. He waved his hand, and all the wayward lettuce drippings and what not disappeared. 

 

“Now, would you like some hangover potion, or did you also forget that you’re a wizard?”

“Did you honestly think I ate that whole head of lettuce?”

“I just watched you eat at least half of it. So, maybe?”

“Well, I Vanished half of it. Whatever. Just fix it. You’re blurry -  _ I’m _ supposed to be the blurry one in this relationship.”

After determining that no, Draco wasn’t one to burn a house down while drunk, Harry decided to take pity on him and went to grab the potion. He came back to find Draco, still leaning against the kitchen counter, staring off into space.

Thirty seconds and a hangover potion later, Draco was back to normal. Embarrassed as hell, but definitely sober. Harry watched as Draco pulled his hair down out of its rat’s nest of a bun and fiddled with the hair tie self-consciously.

“Never mention that to anyone. Ever.”

Harry wouldn’t dream of it. The fact that he even got to witness it was a miracle - but he had to find a way to remember this. “Only if I can call you 'the blurry one' when we’re alone together.”

Draco gave him a very tired smile. “Deal.”

“Now, about those joggers you’ve got on…”

  
  



End file.
